Friday, April 29, 2005


quote from paula (co-worker), "it seems artists need to creat their own tragedy... so she was living in transitional housing next to a pork plant and she would hear the pigs getting killed at night."

Thursday, April 28, 2005

cigarette junkie

sitting at the front desk at work this morning, i look through the front doors and see some old dude picking cigarette butts out of our ashtray. that's hot.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005


this weather sucks frizzy ass on my hair.

Monday, April 25, 2005

car ride

flow of thoughts, in the car:
my throat kinda hurts, i can't wait for summer, healthy & sun, swimming, swimsuits! my pale legs, freckles, pale skin.

amirithini & i, in the car, after a meeting:
amirithini, "i think she was a.d.d. or something."
me, "i think she was either on something or coming off of something."
amirithini, "hmmm... maybe like her brain was fried or something?"
me, "yea, her brain was fried."

amirithini & i, in the car, later:
me, "oh, dude, that guy walking is so & so's ex-boyfriend."
amirithini, "dude, flip a u-e."
i turn, we drive by, i look away, she looks out through the rear view mirror.
she looks, "so that's him..."
i drive another block.
we burst out laughing.
me, "i can't believe i just did that!"
amirithini, "i can't believe i just asked you to do that!"
me, "i feel like we're in high school."
amirithini, "yea, dude."

Thursday, April 21, 2005

i have learned to speak cat.

my conversation with sally-pants this morning:
(she sits in the bathroom sink, watching me try to finagle my hair into some sort of puffy- frizzy- do)
"i look like shit today." i say.

"mew, meow, mrrrrrr" sally says.
"because you wake me up so early, every morning."
"mrrrrrrrrr, mew, mew"

go ahead, call me the crazy cat lady, just not to my face, please.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005


my notes during streetworks meeting:
-shelter (to go unnamed) has scabies- for one month-
-downtown shootings- gang activity- summer heat- 14 & 15 year olds- shots in air-
-needle exchange- dealer busts- bad heroin- abscesses-
-p. offstreets- 60-70 youth
-hyp open male or transgender bed-
-any assistance- 30% income
-unlawful detainer on record
(m.a. insurance) (financial supports)
family reunif-
-live with aunt- greyhound
-cuts to mn care-- doesn't cover mental health services- few single adults-

Sunday, April 17, 2005


on a walk back from lunch today, ben stole my thunder.

i drive home from uptown, spaced off, thinking, worrying too much. i suddenly realize nothing looks like it should, nothing looks familiar as i drive down the street i drive almost every day. everything felt bright and surreal today. i get into my apartment and my world feels very quiet and lonely.

this time of my life has been the best it's ever been. things mostly keep getting better and better. lately though, i feel like i'm slipping back into my old low-self esteem. i'm searching for that confidence, that patience that good things will come.

in my quiet bedroom, i call jared. he centers me.

i wish i had patience.
i wish i knew when to keep my mouth shut.
i wish my emotions didn't spill out of me.
i wish the world knew how to treat women with respect.
i wish the people i'm close to didn't get hurt for senseless reasons.
i wish i could protect everyone, including myself.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

proms and thunderstorms

spring is fabulous for thunderstorms.
i'm excited about the summer. jared and brian will both be returning to minnesota for brief periods of time. to think that we could all be together again in the same city! life will be comfortable for awhile. safety net.
tonight i get to wear paisley. i feel like i'm going to the prom. but, prom sucked, until the after party. we went to this place we called "the land" and drank beer around a fire. i met this older guy who everybody called "fro". i never called him that. he played the song, "the promise" by tracy chapman on his guitar for me. i was in crush.


to quote my dear co-worker, samantha as she said, "this will be interesting to read about on your blog" and i said, "well, i haven't written anything on there in a long time."

there is so much.