Wednesday, September 28, 2005

i've been going through my music the last few days. it's amazing how when i hear a certain song or even just look at a certain c.d., i have a quick flash of a memory of a time or a person. like my shoes getting wet in the damp grass, making out with a slobbery drunk guy, driving my red honda, getting up at 5:30 am to work at the coffee shop, walking into my first apartment in minneapolis or dancing on new years eve.

thanks to everyone who has contributed to my music collection over the years.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

great weekend.

made out in the rain and it was hot.
inspired to do my own puppet show.
got lots of new music from friend.
bonded with sister.
dressed up, wore high heels even.
drank too much.
slept in past ten.
said good-bye to some friends.
like sushi because each bite is like an exciting explosion in my mouth.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

ride on the greenway

sally and betty are posed, ready to fight. tails swinging, shoulders hunched, ready, on the edge.

in any case, tonight. a beautiful night. i ride across town to the seward neighborhood, enjoying one of the best rides i've had all summer. the sun is setting behind me and the air is fresh and cool as i pass through the soo line gardens i get the deepest breath of green air i've ever had in my life. i ride up to tracy's bar to meet alissa just on time. i'm happy i've timed my errand and ride just right!

it's so wonderful to chat with an old friend, just like it has been to have amelia back around again. t hese women support me, remind me and respect me. alissa makes me laugh and almost cry and i feel i do the same to her. we hug, promising to call each other when we get home. i feel better about the ride knowing somebody is looking out for me.

instantly this ride is different. as i ride in darkness in between warehouses buildings and open fields onto the greenway i am instantly on edge. i ride so fast. my breath heavy but it feels good. like the first time i ever ran a mile. i can feel it deep into my body, not like when i smoked, not painful, just real, oxygen high. i feel amazing by the time i can't ride soooo fast anymore and i hop off to walk my bike half way up the off ramp. i get home, crash on the porch to call alissa to tell her i've made it home.

at some point on this ride, i felt, fuck you all. fuck it all. fuck it that i have to feel scared. fuck it that alissa's message to me says, "i haven't been raped an pillaged on my way home" while i'm happy with the challenge that the super fast ride has presented me with, i never want to feel on edge again, but i am so often, we all are. protective, i guess. life skill, i guess. bullshit to be afraid in your own neighborhood. to be afraid around people you know. whatever. fuck it.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

i have learned to speak cat pt. 2

betty sits on my chest as i lay on my bed. we hear sally in the closet. we both get up to check it out. i open the door for sally. she walks out and gives me soft, "meow".

"hello." i say.

betty and sally regard each other as they move into opposite corners of the room.

i lay back down, pick up my book.

slight thumping. i think it might be a roommate knocking or something. no. tails slapping the floor. sally and betty are staring at each other. i think of bitchy girls at the bridge, the light whispers and quiet moments before a fight would break out.

seconds later they are in the middle of the room, rolling across the floor, playful, kind of incestuous.

i sigh. time for bed.